New Year, New Resolution

I wonder who I am addressing when I write this blog. While I actually write for myself, I cannot ignore the fact that someone somewhere may actually be reading this. I sometimes think I am advertising myself when I write a blog. Social media and the internet have definitely blurred the line between the public and the private.  Writing a personal blog seems to be like reality TV at times.
 
I  have read that people have been depressed after they have got addicted to the social networking sites. I can understand corporates trying to advertise through social media, but individuals seem to be doing the same too. Everything I say or don't say is tinged with the fact that I may be doing it for an audience. It is just like the wall posts on FB or its many new avataars. I have known friends who communicated only through wall posts, even with their own spouse. You end up being 'friends' with most of your acquaintances and making most of your friends, your 'acquaintances'.

I started writing more as a hobby than as anything serious. I don't have the experience or the knowledge to write about anything tangible or serious. I would be glad if my writing would bring a smile on someone's face, even if it is only for a fraction of a second. But I wonder if gloating about my personal life does not cause more harm than good.


So here I am, an active member of social networking sites and blogs, contributing to the collective euphoria of a new year. I am going to try and be more of 'myself' this year and not my online avataar or what my parents or rest of the society want me to be.

HAPPY NEW YEAR !

Three things I badly wish I could have

As I am getting older, I am beginning to understand the saying “Be careful what you wish for, it might come true”. I have a thousand small wishes and I am scared that if I seriously wish for each one of them, they will come true. I have so many interests and wish I could do all of them. I like to read, read and read till I drop. I like to listen to good music. I like singing even by myself. I like early mornings, good coffee, yoga, brisk walks, good cafes, advertisements, ad jingles, the list seems endless. Well, this is why I am what I am and where I am. Anyway, this is where I come to my 3 wishes.

I want to be focused and passionate about atleast one interest or one creative pursuit.

I want to be calm and be confident that I can be calm.

I want to be ever grateful for all the good things in life. 

So here I am taking the first step towards the first wish. I like writing and I really appreciate others who can write well. I like reading Preeti Shenoy's blog and I thought the “Wish List Wednesday” prompt was a very nice idea. She has come out with a new book. It seems quite interesting, from what I have seen and read about it. I wish Preeti all success in her new book and other books to come.

Its the problem of choice: FDI

I friend of our family recently remarked, "Even if Walmart comes to India they would soon close shop because of the great inefficiencies of the Indian workforce".

I thought the statement was hilarious. Yes, we the people of India have a great attitude towards work. Anyway, I wanted to talk about FDI, Wal Mart and all the brouhaha which comes along with it. Yes, it can lead to consumption of endless cups of Bru coffee. But now, the verdict is out. We all can watch and wait for Walmart, Carrefour and I don't know what else.

So what is the big deal about FDI? Its already in India in the form of the MacDs, KFCs, Pepsi and so on. Its time the others followed. I think asking the foreign brands to source their produce (mostly potatoes and tomatoes)  and raw materials from Indian farmers is a reasonable expectation. Drought, fertilizers, rising costs are bigger problems for the farmers than FDI. I think major improvements in PDS or as my husband says, scrapping of the PDS will bring more difference into the farmers' lives than stopping FDI.

What does FDI mean to me? Well, it means - more choice? If I chose between Nilgiris, Nuts n Spices, Fresh@, now I am going to have to include 2 more stores to my list. And seriously, it only means more headache to find a parking spot.

I am not an economist and I don't know the rural economy as much as I do the urban. I don't think people are going to stop shopping in T Nagar or Purasaiwalkam just because they have a Walmart down the street. I don't think the "Buy 1 get 2 free" offers are going to lure customers away from their Pothys or Chennai Silks. Walmart does not know what it is up against.

Take my own example, I  do not get my monthly groceries from the mall or anything resembling a mall. I get them from the shop around the corner, the 'kirana' shop or 'Annachi kadai'. The best part is I get it door delivered and on the same day. These guys know their business. I get a good discount on the basic provisions like rice, wheat, pulses, sugar etc. Nowadays, the smaller stores also pack their stuff in sealed plastic bags to resemble that sold by the supermarkets.

I don't know why Indian small businesses should be so worried about FDI in multi-brand retail. We already have a number of domestic players in the same sector like Reliance, RPG, Heritage, Future Group etc which are competing with the local stores. I think the competition and comparison is actually in the luxury goods section. I don't want to shop for different kinds of sugar or dal unless I am looking for the organic variety. I would go to a supermarket only for special items like breakfast cereal, pasta, cheese, sauces and other processed food.

When it comes to retail clothing sector, I don't know if we need any more players. Chennai atleast has so many retail stores for readymade clothing that a foreigner might think that fashion is a big thing here. Just look at T Nagar, how different is Chennai Silks from Pothys or RMKV or Sri Kumaran. In the end it boils down to what you are familiar with I guess. I can't find my way out of Chennai Silks or Saravana Stores. I am a little more comfortable with Sri Kumaran. But I will never go there more than once or twice a year.

The differentiating factor between Big Bazar or Reliance Fresh and the shop around the corner is personalised service. I can ask the shop keeper to stock up on some of the items I wish to buy regularly and he might actually oblige me if I was a regular customer. The shop keeper is able to identify his customer by face whereas that is never going to be possible in any of the mall-shops. I call these Walmarts mini malls because they are huge. I don't want to spend all my time going through all the aisles and spend all my money buying something that I may not need. 

I think the advantage of having a Walmart near you is the convenience it offers on a rainy day. Yes, you could get away from the rain, shop, eat or just walk around. It is going to be no threat to our local small businesses. Atleast not in Chennai.

Home appliances - boon or bane

I remember reading somewhere that home appliances are considered one of things created by men to cleverly force women to work more at home. I found that funny and interesting then. But now, after spending quite some time buying and maintaining home appliances I am more inclined to agree with that statement.

In the last one month, I have seen many of my home appliances just shutting down for ever. There was a sudden voltage surge and I found that our cordless phone, DVD player, pressure pump and a few tube lights had got burnt. I still haven't got around fixing all of these. And in between these incidents, our printer wouldn't work as I had not found the time to print anything worth printing. I had forgotten that the printer needs to be used atleast once a week. The last straw was when my 11 year old fridge just wouldn't work. It was too much. I couldn't take it anymore.

I was stuck a whole day getting an electrician (God bless him) to fix the various burnt switches. I spent more time just calling some of the toll free numbers for servicing the machines.  It got me thinking as to how free the woman in the 19th century was. She was not dependent on external man made factors like electricity, running water and home appliances and their AMC services.

So here I am actually debating whether I need any more home appliances or should I just splurge on some hi-tech ones which are pre-programed. It would be great to go eco-friendly and dump all the home appliances. But then some habits die hard and I am definitely dependent on these machines. I think I have to go the hi-tech way.

It would be great if my printer had some auto pilot which spewed out one printed sheet a week by default to keep the toner in working condition. I am on my way to buy a new refrigerator. I hope I have an intelligent one which reminds me that it needs to be cleaned occasionally. 

Pursuit of happiness

Water colour on canvas, by CPK

Sorry for borrowing that title. I know it will ring a bell, its a Will Smith, feel good movie. But it best describes what most of us do. We are constantly in pursuit of happiness. I used to wish that I had happiness that lasted all my life. I used to think that a good life must have a few ingredients and I waited for it all to happen. But alas, it never works that way. Somethings happen and somethings don't. But happiness can be found everyday, just buried under all the mundane stuff.

Like this morning after I finished a call with a childhood friend. I hadn't spoken to her for over a year and the call made me happy. Just plain simple happy. It got me thinking that it is finally just simple things that bring true happiness. I know its something everybody says but it never sounds true unless you experience it yourself. Amidst all the things that irritate me and bother me, there are indeed a few precious moments which bring me happiness. The point is whether I am able to enjoy and cherish it.

It could be a surprise call from an old friend, a compliment from your child or spouse, a beautiful line you read somewhere or some stranger thanking you for your kindness. The question is whether you hold on to that spot of happiness, whether you are open to receiving it into your being.

Friends

A friend I met recently mused out loud whether we would still be friends when our children grow up.She went on to wonder if she would ever be able to make friends by herself any more. When I heard this I thought that I was repeatedly hearing this sentiment expressed by many other mothers of my age. These people, mostly women were actually conscious about the number of friends they had or their chances to make friends in future. I don't know if men ever voice out such thoughts. But my point is when did friendship become such a big deal.


These women are mostly married ( I hardly have any single women friends in my circle) and with career or kids and family or both. If these people are finding it difficult to find friends, how about those who are single or without a career and family. All along I have always thought that marriage and kids would take care of most of an adult's needs. I never did think about friends that I would make after marriage or kids. I thought that friendship just happens. Does becoming an adult complicate the process of friendship?

As we are getting more wired and connected are we becoming more lonely? Do our large egos block the entry of any stranger with different tastes in music or art or philosophy? I think the moment we try to process friendship based on common interests or wavelength or age or class or any other criteria, it beats the whole purpose.

I am reminded of my maternal grandmother who used to have a number of friends and admirers. She was frail and hardly active outside the house. But her mind was lively and her heart was kind. She attracted people because of her genuineness and simplicity. Many of her neighbours became her life long friends. But her best friend was always my 'Thatha' or grandfather. I would like to believe that the ultimate aim of a good marriage is to give each partner a best friend for life.

A Bhagat book

I have been curious about the 'Chetan Bhagat phenomenon for quite some time now. I remember a friend almost pushing the book 'Two States" into my hand but I firmly resisted it. The story seemed all too familiar and common. Seen it a lot in the family and everywhere around me. Anyway, so I actually picked up the book "One night at a call centre" from my library out of curiosity and found that it was not so bad at all.

"One night at a call centre" is Bhagat's second book after the best selling "Five Point Someone - what not to do at IIT".  "One night at a call centre" is an interesting and fast paced book. I have to admit that I could read it really fast. I managed to finish it within two days which means that anyone who is reasonably fast in reading can read it in say 6-7 hours. Its easy to guess the story. It is about what happened one night at a call centre. Bhagat describes the lives, relationships and aspirations of the youngsters of today through the call centre set up. The situations and climax are quite believable. The beginning of the story was different and caught my attention. But I found the 'God factor' in the story quite unbelievable. Bhagat tries to pack everything into just one story, love, patriotism, spirituality and bring out a happy ending. Other than that, I thought it was a reasonably interesting book. It could have been a good short story too if he had tried it differently.

I really would recommend reading this book if one is bored, needs to fill time waiting or traveling. If you can buy a Jeffrey Archer or Sidney Sheldon then why not Chetan Bhagat. Atleast he is Indian. The criticism against the book could be that Bhagat is trying very hard to bring out the desh-bhakt in his audience. He is atrociously anti-US and anti-global capitalism. Ironic that he was a part of it while working for some investment bank in HongKong. The good thing about the book is that it is a positive story and actually quite funny at times. The language is something that could be heard in a college campus, it is filled with local slangs.

Chetan Bhagat is clearly not Arundhati Roy or Vikram Seth or even Upamanyu Chatterjee. But he is surely better than Sudha Murthy, Shashi Despande or Rohinton Mistry. At the end of reading the book I did think it was better than some of the other Indian books I had read recently, like "A fine balance" by Rohinton Mistry or "Ladies Coupe" by Anita Nair. I had to plough through the other two books that I mention here. " A fine balance" was long winded, sad and downright gross. I did not like "Ladies Coupe" for the same reason, it was just too bleak. I think I will devote a separate post to Indian English women authors. I need time and space to wonder why they write such bleak stories about Indian women.

The fact that Chetan Bhjagat has become a celebrity is just a consequence of the popularity of his books. I wish I didn't know so much about him before I read his book. But that is just crazy celebrity gossip that we are fed with everyday by media. I think Indian English authors like Chetan Bhagat will only increase in future. They might not all come up with Booker prize winning material. But they are needed for the literary scene to grow more local and original. The English reading audience in India is increasing every day. We need to see more Indian English authors targeting this audience. We need more Indian English horror stories, mystery stories, historic fiction and even pulp fiction.

Malaise of multitasking

I have often been plagued with a persistent question, whenever I found myself with just one task on my hand. Is this the best I can do at this very moment? Should I be doing something more, something better perhaps? I think this is the result of constant multitasking in my life.

Multitasking basically means carrying out two or more things at the same time (by the same person). As far as I can remember, I have been multitasking even before the term became fashionable.

 I have been studying while working and working while I should have been studying. Net effect, I started working quite early in life and continued to write exams well past my thirties.When I should have been studying without a care, I was constantly worried if I would get a good job. When I was well-placed, I continued studying as I was not sure if I was qualified enough.

 I never felt the significance of multitasking until I became a mother. After motherhood, time takes a new dimension in your life. For once you are forced to acknowledge that time is not within your control. As you grapple with the new situation, you realise that everyone but you has an opinion about 'your time'. People develop great interest in your free time once you become a mother of a child. You are advised to sleep when the baby sleeps, or do something else (productive) while the baby sleeps. No one ever lets you just watch your baby sleep....lest you enjoy the whole experience.

I am not good at multitasking and its taken me this long to realise it. At the cost of effectiveness, I have only experienced tiredness and fatigue. Its not even physical tiredness as much as mental fatigue. So here I am, not multitasking any more. I have decided to enjoy the present moment for what it is without thinking or planning about the future.

India Post (no pun intended)

It’s extremely tempting for me to indulge in 'Government bashing' every now and then. It’s almost therapeutic and I think I am at my cynical best when I write on such topics. But I am now trying to control that instinct and come up with something nice about a Government department. I am referring to 'India Post', our revered postal system.

The postal system in India is considered slow, bureaucratic and inefficient. Post offices still look like they are stuck in the 1970s or 1980s. Most of us these days use the courier system to ensure that important documents get delivered on time. There is no denying that it is much easier to track a courier packet when compared to something sent through Registered Post. The Registered Post is almost reserved for sending and receiving documents from Government departments or universities.

I was in for a nice surprise a few days ago when I received a letter addressed to my husband with an incomplete address. It just had his name, the street name, city name and pin code. There was no door number mentioned. This got me thinking that if this had been sent through courier it would have been rejected for incomplete address. However the postal department has quietly and efficiently delivered the letter without any kind of complaint.

Just looking at the mailing addresses is India is enough to realize the challenges faced by postmen here. There is no uniformity in the way addresses are written. Addresses are long and often quite confusing. Those who live in Chennai should know the confusion we have about door numbers, there are old numbers and new numbers. Then there are apartment numbers and street numbers. Our mails can be addressed in so many ways, with our full names (first and last name), or with our first names. Our names can either be in the expanded form reserved for our passports or in the shorter form which have our initials and first name.

In this day and age when we constantly come across banks, phone companies, insurance agencies and others trying to shirk from customer service on the slightest excuse, I think India Post is doing a great job. I know that we have to probably thank our regular postman who knows all our names so well. Rain or shine he goes about doing his rounds in the most sincere manner. I am now reminded of the old Rajesh Khanna song, “Dakhiya Dakh laya” where the postman has a personal rapport with each of his customers.

Its all in the eye of the beholder

It is said that appearance is all about the confidence you exude. Clothes, hairstyle, accessories are just     add-ons. Well, here is what I wore yesterday as my accessories (apart from the watch etc...)

I remember grabbing a pair of earrings in a hurry and getting out of the house ( before I had a chance to procrastinate). I went shopping in a mall and a grocery store and finally went to a friend's place to pick up my daughter. And it was only then that my friend pointed out the mis-matched earrings. I couldn't believe I had walked around, talked, and shopped my way through the evening in these. Take a look.

What can I say?  I had a good laugh at the end of the day and took them off only when I went to bed. Needless to say neither my daughter nor my husband noticed anything mis-matched. As they say, its all in the eye of the beholder. 

The world-wide-web

As I write this post, I feel I am addressing the entire world out there. At the same time I feel like I am throwing words out into the empty space and they are just staring back at me. I feel empowered and free as I can express my opinion about anything under the sun. And yet it makes me feel humble, makes me feel like I am a spec on the vast canvas of the World Wide Web.

Lack of privacy, theft of confidential information, bomb hoax, hate mail, system failures, rumour mongering and so much more has been attributed to the internet. And yet I think I must thank the internet. I don't know what I would have done without it.

The first time I realised the power of the internet was when I opened my email account with Yahoo in 1998. I got in touch with my school friends after a period of 10 years. I became a part of Yahoo Groups which was as popular as Face Book then. I joined a study group online to prepare for an international accounting exam. I used to download study materials online. It was amazing how much I could do just sitting at home, in front of the computer. It is all thanks to the those scientists who thought of the "world wide web", Sir Tim Berners Lee and Robert Cailliau back in the late eighties.

Coming to the present, there are so many things you can do online that our entire lifestyle has changed in the last ten years. When my daughter comes to me for some help with her school project, all I have to do is 'google' for the information first. Life has become simpler after Google.

Following are some things that I don't do anymore, thanks to the internet. This list is not exhaustive.

• Buy recipe books. I used to be a compulsive buyer of these books, whether I tried all the recipes or not.
• Look at the phone book for telephone numbers or addresses
• Write personal letters (well, it is sad indeed)
• Call long distance (international calls especially)
• Buy movie guides for the latest movie reviews
• Buy music CDs 
• Employ a guide for sightseeing
• Stand in line for train tickets 
• Call my bank for my account status

 

Having said all this, I don't think I will ever stop buying books or DVDs. I think I enjoy them too much to sacrifice them to the virtual world. I still like visiting a book shop or library to ordering stuff online. I still prefer to visit or call a friend to chatting online. I just am not into chatting. I do not like checking my emails or Face Book while I am on vacation.

I like to take a break every once in a while and come back to look at the bulk of emails that are waiting for me. I like to think that the whole world was paused while I was on vacation. Wow, now wouldn't that be great.

The Help

 I heard about the movie last year when the Oscars were announced and have been interested in it ever since. Its difficult to catch such 'feel good' and 'nice' movies in India if you miss its opening week.  I finally watched it last week on HBO amidst the many advertisements.

"The help" is about domestic labour in the 1960s America, carried out largely by African Americans. The movie shows a few upper class white American households in Jackson, Mississippi. The word 'help' here is used to refer to all the domestic servants like maids, cooks and nannies. The could all be different people or just one who carries out all these activities.

I found it surprising that the movie was based on the book (of the same name) written only in 2010. Its rather late in the day to be talking about the condition of the African American maids isn't it? May be the plight of immigrant Mexican women who are now maids all over the US would be more relevant.

The current scenario of domestic help in the US is such a contrast from what it used to be. The whole system has become so professional and well-paid. But though the working conditions have improved, the essence of the job is still the same. I think this is one of the reasons why the movie was so well received all over the world.

The movie was gentle and funny. I liked one particular line in the early part of the movie. Skeeter (the protagonist) asks the  maid, Aibileen how it feels to raise the child of another woman when her own is left at home. The photography or cinematography was great. Most of the shots were indoor, but the play of sunlight inside the kitchens and living rooms was brought out beautifully. I liked the scene where the maid "Minny" would have tea and grilled chicken with her employer "Hilly".

I think this movie would be very relevant to middle class households in India too.  Whenever a few women, working, stay-at-home or whatever come together, the topic invariably shifts to the quality of domestic help. It would be either frustration at having a bad one or not having one. Whichever way you look at it, its bad. Can't do with them, and can't do without them. We complain (especially in Chennai) that they are not professional enough, that they never are satisfied and so on. But do we ever think as to what they do with their own homes and children. Can anyone be happy doing domestic labour, however well-paid it is?

Madras Day

August 22^nd was Madras Day. The city turned 373. That’s something worth celebrating. It’s a great time to visit Chennai for all those who say there is nothing much to see here. You have to spend couple of days in the heart of the city to actually understand how it feels. Walk around Mylapore (ofcourse in the cool evenings), visit some of the oldest temples, and attend some concerts.  Sip some coffee and read “The Hindu”.

I love Chennai with all its potholes and problems. Two generations of my family have lived here. When I was growing up, I stayed in the suburbs.  I have travelled regularly in the erstwhile PTC (now MTC or something similar) buses to reach the centre of the city for movies or plays or concerts. I used to be fascinated by the centre of the city for the history it had.  The landmarks of Madrasapattinam are still found standing today, inspite of the fact that there is no state level heritage protection body to protect them.  Walk around Mount road and you can see crumbling Victorian buildings standing regal, despite their obvious state of dis-repair.  

When you travel down south in Tamil Nadu and say that you are from Chennai, they look at you with sympathy. It is as though you are not really a Tamilian but a mixture. There is no hardcore ‘Tamil’ feeling inspite of all the Dravida parties that are headquartered in Chennai. Ask the north-Indians and they would probably say that Madras or Chennai is all about idlis and dosas.  

There is nothing spectacular about Chennai excepting for its simplicity. I would say that the wholesome feeling you get in Chennai is thanks to the overwhelming presence of South-Indian culture, tradition and art forms.  Inspite of the influence of liberalisation, massive urbanisation and growth, Chennai is saved by the presence of so much culture.  It is a fact that people are a little conservative and less ostentatious.  You still find a lot of saree and veshti (dhoti), atleast during festivals. The trademark “malli poo” (jasmine flower) is still sought after, even though its cost has tripled or quadrupled in ten years time. 

I wish there was something more than just Madras day celebration. Until recently there has been no major Government intitiative to protect the obvious symbols of the old Madras. Queen Marys College, the Punjab National Bank and Philips building in Anna Salai are some buildings that need to be protected and preserved. It is a pity that we come to know about the history of these structures only when they get affected by some catastrophe like the Kalas Mahal case.There is a lot that has to be improved in terms of the city’s infrastructure too. But, there is hope and such celebrations are surely full of that. Here's to a greener, cleaner, safer and beautiful Chennai.

Enlightened self-interest

It is said that you can know a lot about a country by looking at the way its people act collectively in public. Indians as far as I can see, are very good as individuals but when it comes to collective action they lose all their goodness. In fact they become totally indifferent and apathetic to each other.

Try getting a group of ten or twelve people together to act for their own collective needs and you will know what I am saying. I am talking about group action required by residents of an apartment complex, housing colony, parents of a school, citizens of a country.  Anything as simple as getting a garbage bin on your road, getting a new bulb on the street lamp is quite a task as most residents would show complete apathy for such action. Just when you want to bring people together, they would act in the most selfish and egoistical manner. They would suddenly become too busy with their own personal problems. 

I recently experienced this while trying to do something for my own small community. It was just about trimming some tree branches around our area. It was not an emergency but it was just a preventive action taken in anticipation of the rainy season. And yet by the time the deed was done, individual egos were coming out as ever. People were simply not interested as it did not involve their personal property or space. The collective good or the long term benefit was just ignored.

I think what Indians need something more than just good politicians or good systems. We desperately need something called "enlightened self-interest".The origin of this phrase goes back to 1835. It was used by a French political thinker, Alexis de Tocquiville. What is interesting is that he used this phrase while describing the democracy in America back in 1835. He explained that it was the heightened self -regard that Americans had for themselves that made them act in a mutually beneficial manner. In other words people evaluated their own gains from the collective action. The question of ego does not come into the picture.

Each time we are faced with a traffic jam, a strike or a petrol crisis we just need to have some 'enlightened self-interest' to patiently solve the problem. There is no point in blocking others or making others' lives difficult as it indirectly affects the quality of our own lives. This is the more philosophical way of looking at things too.

Detached attachment

It is said that parents are given the chance to re-live their lives through that of their children. I am reminded of this fact whenever I see other mothers in the school, waiting to pick up their wards.

I see groups of mothers standing atleast 30 minutes before the bell waiting to see their children, talking with their fellow 'mom' friends. I mention the mothers because there are very few fathers who manage to come out at 2.30 or 2.45 pm to pick up their kids from school. 

As I too stand waiting for my daughter, I wonder if its the mothers who attend school ( in spirit) or the children. Groups or gangs of mothers stand and discuss every minute detail of the school work, home work, projects and tests. On test days, the scene outside would be quite emotional. Entire tests would be repeated to anxious mothers. Answers would be discussed and argued on. And all this is mostly among parents of children who study in the primary and pre-primary section. I sincerely hope for car pooling in my school just to avoid emotional interaction with other parents. 

I am all for this active parenting style that we have these days. Parents need to know about their kids' schoolwork and the associated pressures. But isn't there something about doing too much. Call it 'tiger moms' and 'tiger dads' but it definitely seems to the time of over-active parenting.


At times like this I wish we had some activity from the schools just to help parents de-stress from all this over-parenting. I wish schools prescribed a 'guide to good parenting' through the holy Bhagwat Gita. How about some 'detached attachment' courses for the parents.

Strangers and strange questions

I once read a book titled, "Snappy answers to stupid questions". It was filled with witty answers for ordinary and obvious questions. Well, sometimes I wish I had some book like that for all the stupid questions I get asked as a parent. Once you enter the club of parenthood, it seems like you become the target for all kinds of un-welcome questions from all and sundry. But mostly these are other parents whom you could only call acquaintances at schools or other child-related places.

When I say 'strange questions' I mean totally weird personal questions. And not just about personal finances or your pay check. It would be about the child's height, complexion or colour and anything relating to general appearance.

I remember being asked this question when I was waiting to see the pediatrician (thank God for spell check).  An elderly lady who was waiting with her grandchildren asks me:

Lady: "Is she your daughter?"
Me: Yes (smiling)
Lady: But she has such lovely hair.
Me: Heeeeheehee (Smiling. But thinking, yeah right! )

Another incident was when a fellow parent at school commented on my daughter's tooth.

Lady: She's grown so tall. (she was seeing her after about 3-4months)
Me: Yeah... (smiling)
Lady: But she was so much cuter earlier. I think its her teeth. You must get it checked. I think she's been having that gap for a long time right? (referring to the gap formed by two fallen front teeth)
Me: ......... (smiling, how can one reply to this nonsense?)

It is at such times that I wish I had witty comebacks to shock such well-meaning strangers and others. Its not like these people have any ulterior motives behind their obviously rude remarks. But I am beginning to think that there is some value in maintaining an etiquette in public.


I pity the plight of mothers of short and puny children. They must have a tough time. I am not going anywhere near the plight of parents whose children are physically or mentally challenged. I am just trying to say I wish people were a bit more considerate when the child was near by. Personal questions to adults about adults is one thing (bad and has to be dealt with separately) but I wish the children were spared.

Coconut milk Kurma

I have never been a major fan of kurma. I am referring to vegetable korma which is usually a side dish for  'Aapam' or 'Barotas' in south-Indian restaurants like the Saravana Bhavan or  Ananda Bhavan or Vasantha Bhavan.  I have found the kurma, even the superior navratna kurma to be complicated and over-spiced. As for preparing it, I thought it required patient cutting of atleast half a kilo of veggies, frying and grinding of so many ingredients.

Anyway, all this changed once I ate the coconut milk kurma that my mother-in-law prepared. It was simple,smooth, delicious and sumptuous. It didn't have oil floating over it or smell of an overdose of garam masala or Khas-khas. It seemed like a desi version of vegetable-au-gratin with coconut milk instead of cheese. Now that coconut and its various features have been given the 'good for health' certificate, you don't have to feel guilty about using it liberally.

I made this recently and hence the picture and the post. I think the only pain in preparing this dish is the grating of coconut and the extraction of coconut milk. Otherwise it is the usual, peeling and cutting of vegetables (I didn't say that can be skipped did I?). But one thing I will advicse is not to use beetroot in this. The colour of yellow or off-white of the coconut milk mixed with turmeric powder is beautiful and is not to be disturbed.
Here is how you make it, in case any one is interested. It takes about 1.5 hours to make the dish. This is assuming you are quick in cutting and peeling and grating and grinding (ha ha ha).

Ingredients: 

Cut veggies : assorted, as per your taste, please omit beets. But knoo-khol or the Indian turnip can be used.
Onion: 1 big
Green chillies : 2 or 3
Ginger: one inch piece
Coconut : half of a large coconut, scraped.
Salt and turmeric powder

Coconut milk extraction:

If you have fresh grated coconut: Just add luke warm water and grind in a mixer. The quantity of water should be such that it isn't too watery while grinding. Strain and extract the milk with a strainer. Can also be strained with hand for satisfaction. You must be able to get 1 tumbler of extract. If not, increase the quantity of coconut.

If you have frozen grated coconut: wait until it thaws and then pour hot water over it. Then grind it in room temp to extract the milk.

Procedure:

Grind the same (the one squeezed out of its life) coconut along with some water (may be quarter or half tumbler) along with onions, ginger and green chillies. Strain, squeeze and extract all the water. You must get atleast 1 full tumbler of liquid. If not, increase the quantity of coconut.

Put the vegetables, the masala extract mentioned above, salt, turmeric powder and cook covered for about 10 minutes, until vegetables are tender. Check for water level. Wait until water level reduces to half its original. The veggies are better if they are cooked soft. If needed add more water.

Once the veggies are perfect, add the first extract of coconut milk and let it boil for a minute.
Sprinkle garam masala and crushed pepper for the added zest and its done.

Finally, you get the surprisingly sweet and smooth coconut milk kurma. I know one person who would be extremely surprised reading this post. My mother.

Quick fix: All the grating, grinding and extracting can be eliminated if a can of ready-made coconut milk is available.

Courtesy: My sincere thanks to my mother-in-law for having preserved, perfected and shared the recipe with her family. She learnt this from her cousin during the early part of her married life.

Middle-age

I think I am fast approaching the dreaded middle age ( middle age being forty in my opinion). I consider myself a conformist. Until now I just had to flow with the current, go with the herd and do what everyone expected me to do. But now I feel I have no milestones to grasp. I am just slipping into middle-age. 


I think it is because of the following reasons:

1. I find that the average blogger (writing personal blogs) is about 20 or 25 years old. 
2. People ask me what I do and I am unable to answer it in a simple sentence.
3. I can't relate to the current crop of comedies on TV.
4. I worry about hair or the lack of it or the greying and thinning of it. 
5. I have started reminiscing about my childhood.
6. I no longer mind being called 'aunty'.
7. I am becoming ( or so I believe) more patient with people and the system.
8. I realise that the identity of a person is much more than just his/her job or role in life.
9. I am able to accept my faults and admit it. I am also trying to do something about them.

And last of all, life is what you make of it. I think as you hit forty, your sense of awareness increases. It seems like you have the ability to zoom in on your life and look at it for what it is.