The Help

 I heard about the movie last year when the Oscars were announced and have been interested in it ever since. Its difficult to catch such 'feel good' and 'nice' movies in India if you miss its opening week.  I finally watched it last week on HBO amidst the many advertisements.

"The help" is about domestic labour in the 1960s America, carried out largely by African Americans. The movie shows a few upper class white American households in Jackson, Mississippi. The word 'help' here is used to refer to all the domestic servants like maids, cooks and nannies. The could all be different people or just one who carries out all these activities.

I found it surprising that the movie was based on the book (of the same name) written only in 2010. Its rather late in the day to be talking about the condition of the African American maids isn't it? May be the plight of immigrant Mexican women who are now maids all over the US would be more relevant.

The current scenario of domestic help in the US is such a contrast from what it used to be. The whole system has become so professional and well-paid. But though the working conditions have improved, the essence of the job is still the same. I think this is one of the reasons why the movie was so well received all over the world.

The movie was gentle and funny. I liked one particular line in the early part of the movie. Skeeter (the protagonist) asks the  maid, Aibileen how it feels to raise the child of another woman when her own is left at home. The photography or cinematography was great. Most of the shots were indoor, but the play of sunlight inside the kitchens and living rooms was brought out beautifully. I liked the scene where the maid "Minny" would have tea and grilled chicken with her employer "Hilly".

I think this movie would be very relevant to middle class households in India too.  Whenever a few women, working, stay-at-home or whatever come together, the topic invariably shifts to the quality of domestic help. It would be either frustration at having a bad one or not having one. Whichever way you look at it, its bad. Can't do with them, and can't do without them. We complain (especially in Chennai) that they are not professional enough, that they never are satisfied and so on. But do we ever think as to what they do with their own homes and children. Can anyone be happy doing domestic labour, however well-paid it is?

Madras Day

August 22^nd was Madras Day. The city turned 373. That’s something worth celebrating. It’s a great time to visit Chennai for all those who say there is nothing much to see here. You have to spend couple of days in the heart of the city to actually understand how it feels. Walk around Mylapore (ofcourse in the cool evenings), visit some of the oldest temples, and attend some concerts.  Sip some coffee and read “The Hindu”.

I love Chennai with all its potholes and problems. Two generations of my family have lived here. When I was growing up, I stayed in the suburbs.  I have travelled regularly in the erstwhile PTC (now MTC or something similar) buses to reach the centre of the city for movies or plays or concerts. I used to be fascinated by the centre of the city for the history it had.  The landmarks of Madrasapattinam are still found standing today, inspite of the fact that there is no state level heritage protection body to protect them.  Walk around Mount road and you can see crumbling Victorian buildings standing regal, despite their obvious state of dis-repair.  

When you travel down south in Tamil Nadu and say that you are from Chennai, they look at you with sympathy. It is as though you are not really a Tamilian but a mixture. There is no hardcore ‘Tamil’ feeling inspite of all the Dravida parties that are headquartered in Chennai. Ask the north-Indians and they would probably say that Madras or Chennai is all about idlis and dosas.  

There is nothing spectacular about Chennai excepting for its simplicity. I would say that the wholesome feeling you get in Chennai is thanks to the overwhelming presence of South-Indian culture, tradition and art forms.  Inspite of the influence of liberalisation, massive urbanisation and growth, Chennai is saved by the presence of so much culture.  It is a fact that people are a little conservative and less ostentatious.  You still find a lot of saree and veshti (dhoti), atleast during festivals. The trademark “malli poo” (jasmine flower) is still sought after, even though its cost has tripled or quadrupled in ten years time. 

I wish there was something more than just Madras day celebration. Until recently there has been no major Government intitiative to protect the obvious symbols of the old Madras. Queen Marys College, the Punjab National Bank and Philips building in Anna Salai are some buildings that need to be protected and preserved. It is a pity that we come to know about the history of these structures only when they get affected by some catastrophe like the Kalas Mahal case.There is a lot that has to be improved in terms of the city’s infrastructure too. But, there is hope and such celebrations are surely full of that. Here's to a greener, cleaner, safer and beautiful Chennai.

Enlightened self-interest

It is said that you can know a lot about a country by looking at the way its people act collectively in public. Indians as far as I can see, are very good as individuals but when it comes to collective action they lose all their goodness. In fact they become totally indifferent and apathetic to each other.

Try getting a group of ten or twelve people together to act for their own collective needs and you will know what I am saying. I am talking about group action required by residents of an apartment complex, housing colony, parents of a school, citizens of a country.  Anything as simple as getting a garbage bin on your road, getting a new bulb on the street lamp is quite a task as most residents would show complete apathy for such action. Just when you want to bring people together, they would act in the most selfish and egoistical manner. They would suddenly become too busy with their own personal problems. 

I recently experienced this while trying to do something for my own small community. It was just about trimming some tree branches around our area. It was not an emergency but it was just a preventive action taken in anticipation of the rainy season. And yet by the time the deed was done, individual egos were coming out as ever. People were simply not interested as it did not involve their personal property or space. The collective good or the long term benefit was just ignored.

I think what Indians need something more than just good politicians or good systems. We desperately need something called "enlightened self-interest".The origin of this phrase goes back to 1835. It was used by a French political thinker, Alexis de Tocquiville. What is interesting is that he used this phrase while describing the democracy in America back in 1835. He explained that it was the heightened self -regard that Americans had for themselves that made them act in a mutually beneficial manner. In other words people evaluated their own gains from the collective action. The question of ego does not come into the picture.

Each time we are faced with a traffic jam, a strike or a petrol crisis we just need to have some 'enlightened self-interest' to patiently solve the problem. There is no point in blocking others or making others' lives difficult as it indirectly affects the quality of our own lives. This is the more philosophical way of looking at things too.

Detached attachment

It is said that parents are given the chance to re-live their lives through that of their children. I am reminded of this fact whenever I see other mothers in the school, waiting to pick up their wards.

I see groups of mothers standing atleast 30 minutes before the bell waiting to see their children, talking with their fellow 'mom' friends. I mention the mothers because there are very few fathers who manage to come out at 2.30 or 2.45 pm to pick up their kids from school. 

As I too stand waiting for my daughter, I wonder if its the mothers who attend school ( in spirit) or the children. Groups or gangs of mothers stand and discuss every minute detail of the school work, home work, projects and tests. On test days, the scene outside would be quite emotional. Entire tests would be repeated to anxious mothers. Answers would be discussed and argued on. And all this is mostly among parents of children who study in the primary and pre-primary section. I sincerely hope for car pooling in my school just to avoid emotional interaction with other parents. 

I am all for this active parenting style that we have these days. Parents need to know about their kids' schoolwork and the associated pressures. But isn't there something about doing too much. Call it 'tiger moms' and 'tiger dads' but it definitely seems to the time of over-active parenting.


At times like this I wish we had some activity from the schools just to help parents de-stress from all this over-parenting. I wish schools prescribed a 'guide to good parenting' through the holy Bhagwat Gita. How about some 'detached attachment' courses for the parents.