Strangers and strange questions

I once read a book titled, "Snappy answers to stupid questions". It was filled with witty answers for ordinary and obvious questions. Well, sometimes I wish I had some book like that for all the stupid questions I get asked as a parent. Once you enter the club of parenthood, it seems like you become the target for all kinds of un-welcome questions from all and sundry. But mostly these are other parents whom you could only call acquaintances at schools or other child-related places.

When I say 'strange questions' I mean totally weird personal questions. And not just about personal finances or your pay check. It would be about the child's height, complexion or colour and anything relating to general appearance.

I remember being asked this question when I was waiting to see the pediatrician (thank God for spell check).  An elderly lady who was waiting with her grandchildren asks me:

Lady: "Is she your daughter?"
Me: Yes (smiling)
Lady: But she has such lovely hair.
Me: Heeeeheehee (Smiling. But thinking, yeah right! )

Another incident was when a fellow parent at school commented on my daughter's tooth.

Lady: She's grown so tall. (she was seeing her after about 3-4months)
Me: Yeah... (smiling)
Lady: But she was so much cuter earlier. I think its her teeth. You must get it checked. I think she's been having that gap for a long time right? (referring to the gap formed by two fallen front teeth)
Me: ......... (smiling, how can one reply to this nonsense?)

It is at such times that I wish I had witty comebacks to shock such well-meaning strangers and others. Its not like these people have any ulterior motives behind their obviously rude remarks. But I am beginning to think that there is some value in maintaining an etiquette in public.


I pity the plight of mothers of short and puny children. They must have a tough time. I am not going anywhere near the plight of parents whose children are physically or mentally challenged. I am just trying to say I wish people were a bit more considerate when the child was near by. Personal questions to adults about adults is one thing (bad and has to be dealt with separately) but I wish the children were spared.

Coconut milk Kurma

I have never been a major fan of kurma. I am referring to vegetable korma which is usually a side dish for  'Aapam' or 'Barotas' in south-Indian restaurants like the Saravana Bhavan or  Ananda Bhavan or Vasantha Bhavan.  I have found the kurma, even the superior navratna kurma to be complicated and over-spiced. As for preparing it, I thought it required patient cutting of atleast half a kilo of veggies, frying and grinding of so many ingredients.

Anyway, all this changed once I ate the coconut milk kurma that my mother-in-law prepared. It was simple,smooth, delicious and sumptuous. It didn't have oil floating over it or smell of an overdose of garam masala or Khas-khas. It seemed like a desi version of vegetable-au-gratin with coconut milk instead of cheese. Now that coconut and its various features have been given the 'good for health' certificate, you don't have to feel guilty about using it liberally.

I made this recently and hence the picture and the post. I think the only pain in preparing this dish is the grating of coconut and the extraction of coconut milk. Otherwise it is the usual, peeling and cutting of vegetables (I didn't say that can be skipped did I?). But one thing I will advicse is not to use beetroot in this. The colour of yellow or off-white of the coconut milk mixed with turmeric powder is beautiful and is not to be disturbed.
Here is how you make it, in case any one is interested. It takes about 1.5 hours to make the dish. This is assuming you are quick in cutting and peeling and grating and grinding (ha ha ha).

Ingredients: 

Cut veggies : assorted, as per your taste, please omit beets. But knoo-khol or the Indian turnip can be used.
Onion: 1 big
Green chillies : 2 or 3
Ginger: one inch piece
Coconut : half of a large coconut, scraped.
Salt and turmeric powder

Coconut milk extraction:

If you have fresh grated coconut: Just add luke warm water and grind in a mixer. The quantity of water should be such that it isn't too watery while grinding. Strain and extract the milk with a strainer. Can also be strained with hand for satisfaction. You must be able to get 1 tumbler of extract. If not, increase the quantity of coconut.

If you have frozen grated coconut: wait until it thaws and then pour hot water over it. Then grind it in room temp to extract the milk.

Procedure:

Grind the same (the one squeezed out of its life) coconut along with some water (may be quarter or half tumbler) along with onions, ginger and green chillies. Strain, squeeze and extract all the water. You must get atleast 1 full tumbler of liquid. If not, increase the quantity of coconut.

Put the vegetables, the masala extract mentioned above, salt, turmeric powder and cook covered for about 10 minutes, until vegetables are tender. Check for water level. Wait until water level reduces to half its original. The veggies are better if they are cooked soft. If needed add more water.

Once the veggies are perfect, add the first extract of coconut milk and let it boil for a minute.
Sprinkle garam masala and crushed pepper for the added zest and its done.

Finally, you get the surprisingly sweet and smooth coconut milk kurma. I know one person who would be extremely surprised reading this post. My mother.

Quick fix: All the grating, grinding and extracting can be eliminated if a can of ready-made coconut milk is available.

Courtesy: My sincere thanks to my mother-in-law for having preserved, perfected and shared the recipe with her family. She learnt this from her cousin during the early part of her married life.

Middle-age

I think I am fast approaching the dreaded middle age ( middle age being forty in my opinion). I consider myself a conformist. Until now I just had to flow with the current, go with the herd and do what everyone expected me to do. But now I feel I have no milestones to grasp. I am just slipping into middle-age. 


I think it is because of the following reasons:

1. I find that the average blogger (writing personal blogs) is about 20 or 25 years old. 
2. People ask me what I do and I am unable to answer it in a simple sentence.
3. I can't relate to the current crop of comedies on TV.
4. I worry about hair or the lack of it or the greying and thinning of it. 
5. I have started reminiscing about my childhood.
6. I no longer mind being called 'aunty'.
7. I am becoming ( or so I believe) more patient with people and the system.
8. I realise that the identity of a person is much more than just his/her job or role in life.
9. I am able to accept my faults and admit it. I am also trying to do something about them.

And last of all, life is what you make of it. I think as you hit forty, your sense of awareness increases. It seems like you have the ability to zoom in on your life and look at it for what it is. 

  

 

The Pattu (music) class

Long before the popularity of the “after school activity centres”, music classes formed an integral part of a child’s (especially a girl child) education in South India. If you are a girl born in a Tamil Brahmin family, you would have to go through the “Pattu class” routine at some point in time.

Why?

Almost all the female members of my immediate and extended family have been sent to a “pattu class” in their early childhood. Families expected their girls to sing at every other function, baby showers, betrothals, marriages, thread ceremonies, festivals like navarathri and so on. It almost seems like people broke into songs at every family gathering.

Until the age of 10, I was generally interested in any kind of music that caught my attention. I did not think that I was good at singing or had any special talent. But soon my mother and grandmother went about in search for a good “Pattu teacher”. When I say “Pattu” teacher, I mean a carnatic music teacher. I tried to convince my mother that I just liked to sing songs and not repeat “sa ri ga ma”. But my arguments were simply ignored and yes I too joined a “Pattu Class”.

 

The neighbourhood pattu maami……

The "pattu class" was conducted by a semi-professional music teacher who taught the kids in the neighbourhood. It was just 2 classes a week and only on weekends. But even back then (yes, back then in the good old 90s) the classes were packed with girls of all ages. There were a few boys tagging along with their sisters, embarrassed, shy or truly talented.

What do I cherish….

What I remember most of my pattu class is the friends I made and the books I read while waiting for my turn to sing.  There were atleast 8 or 10 kids learning music along with me. So we used to spend our time reading all the comics and Amar Chitra Kathas that my teacher had at her home. I remember the music teacher juggling her household chores along with her classes on Sundays. I remember feeling hungry, impatient and glad that the class got over. I remember my friend who used to lose interest in the class if it lasted more than an hour. I remember a shy boy who used to sing like K.J.Yesudas in class. I now see him as a celebrity, a successful play-back singer.

 

And now…..

Seems like a lot of nostalgia. I was reminded of all this when I myself started the search for a good “Pattu teacher” for my daughter a few years ago. Yes, she started learning when she was 6. There were so many options to choose from. The neighbouring pattu maami is no longer available. Classes are taught professionally and conducted regularly. She doesn’t have to wait for her turn and doesn’t read comics during the class. But what remains unchanged is the music. Its time tested and no matter how boring it is initially, it does grow on you. My daughter didn’t argue or protest when she started learning carnatic music. I think she enjoys learning it as much I eventually did. I hope she has good memories of her “pattu class” when she grows up.

I think this tradition will continue. The appeal of carnatic music has only increased over generations. What was once considered elitist and a pursuit of the upper classes has now become a popular form of music. May be it is so because of film music and television shows. But there is no denying that the neighbourhood “pattu maami” has been behind the success of many popular carnatic musicians of today.

Perspective

Take a look at the profile of an ex-student of the prestigious Madras Medical College.

He is Sri Lankan.

Has been studying at the prestigious Madras Medical College (MMC) for 24 years.

Is a prime accused in the 1984 Chennai airport bomb blast

While he was a student, has traveled to Sri Lanka a number of times

Has attempted his second year exams 16 times

Still holds on to a room in the college hostel.

Considering how difficult it is to get into a medical college in Chennai, especially the MMC, it only shows gross negligence on the part of the college. Is it because of the several quotas that are available for admission of foreign students to Government colleges that such a fraud was unnoticed?

On the one hand we have this Sri Lankan ‘student’ requesting the Madras High Court to extend his student visa and on the other hand, we have our honourable Chief Minister protesting against the training of Sri Lankan army personnel in India. Who do you think should be sent back? The Sri Lankan ex-student or the Sri Lankan officers?

http://m.timesofindia.com/PDATOI/articleshow/14878035.cms

http://www.thehindu.com/news/states/tamil-nadu/article3645124.ece

Phoren Indian movies

What is it about 'phoren' locations that inspire Bollywood directors to make movies? There are so many exotic locations in our country and yet directors (especially the Bollywood type) throng London, France and New York for their 'modern urban' movies.  Is it the lighting or the beautiful locations or is it the freedom to shoot all kinds of scenes.  According to the directors, it is the story which justifies the location. I completely understand. The story is so bizarre that we can only reconcile to watching it if we call it "Bollywood fantasy."

 The latest movie to be shot in phoren land is "Cocktail". I haven't watched it but it seems very similar to movies like "Zindagi Na Milega Do Bara...or something which you can't watch more than once) or "Love Aaj / Kal".

The highlight of the movie "Cocktail" is that Deepika Padukone looks great in a bikini. What more can you ask for in a hindi movie with that name? Okay she is also a bold brash Desi girl who has a heart of gold. Hence those extremely short skimpy clothes. As far as the story is concerned, just watch the entire "Friends" seasons " 1 to n" and you will understand. This is the latest avataar of the bold Indian heroine (forget Dirty Picture, that was just an aberration) who represents the modern Indian woman.

We are expected to come out of the movie and turn back our brains to reality so that we can tune in to incidents like the one in Assam (http://www.indianexpress.com/news/assam-molestation-tv-journalist-quits-3-held/974953/). 'Cocktail' sure is the right name for the movie showing the current generation of Indians.

Swimming lessons for life

I took swimming lessons a little late in life. It was two years ago and I was extremely afraid of water. One of the first things my swimming instructor told me was to let my body go loose. He said that I was following his instructions but the only drawback was that I was holding myself rigid. He said that swimming would come more naturally to me if only I let my body relax. To use his actual words it went something like this "Please keep your body light." 

The breast stroke seemed so simple when my instructor demonstrated it. And yet when I tried the same I got so overwhelmed that I lost my breath and sank in 4 feet water. It took a long time for me to actually let go and relax. The class lasted for fifteen days and I barely grasped the basics of swimming. But I remember the advice about keeping my body light. I think this advice would apply very well to life in general. We often try too hard to be good and successful and in the process lose out on the joy of small things.

Most things in life would be a lot easier if only we learned to relax or let go. I think this attitude is naturally present in us as children. But somewhere down the line, it gets weighed down by competition and ambition. In this context I would like to quote a phrase by Milan Kundera, it is "The unbearable lightness of being." I think that phrase says it all. We think we are so important and carry the burden of the whole world on our shoulders. The reality is too simple for us to accept, so we create our own complicated lives.

All for a Dosa

I was prompted to write this on reading something in this morning's newspaper. The article said that the Masala Dosa has been included in the list of "10 foods to try before you die" compiled by Huffington Post, an online magazine. Now am I glad to hear this. The dosa or any variation of it is my favourite breakfast dish.

Right from my childhood I have preferred the dosa or dosai over idly or vadai or pongal. Somehow idlies would stick to my mouth unless I completely disintegrate the idly in the sambhar or chutney. At home, my mother would regularly give us the healthier idly for breakfast. Pongal and vadai were made on special days and were more brunch-like. I used to have pongal more for the vadai and sambar. On the other hand, dosai was more of an evening tiffin (or snack). I used to fuss about the quality and texture of the dosai, saying that it should not be very brown or black and so on.  Now, my daughter is giving it back to me. I have to ensure that my dosai meets her requirements. She actually wants it nice and golden brown.

Real dosa lovers like to have the dosa nice and hot. A piping hot dosai doesn't need any accompaniment other than the popular mulaga podi (or gun powder). Once the dosa gets gets cold, you might as well eat rice or idly. It would either be hard like a biscuit or be rubbery and soft.  The best part of the dosa is that it is easy to make but is perfected only with practice.





 
 
indianspicetrail.blogspot.in/2007_03_30_archive.html
http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-07-09/india/32604376_1_masala-dosa-dishes-greek-answer