End of day

Thoughts at the end of the day -
Long day, feel stretched, exhausted, spent. Preparing for the next day, rehearsing lines to be spoken at a meeting, looking up things on the internet, messaging colleagues, sharing a laugh, eating, talking a little with the family, thinking, planning the next day's breakfast, lunch, just the thought of waking up early.  Wondering about the ability of the body to push itself, the mind- does it push itself enough? Tired, heavy, sleepy, just want to shut down - thoughts go on and take time to shut down.

Staying alive, living

Drudgery of every day life. Cook and clean and cook again. Clean, put back, and put back again. Sometimes I wish dishes vanished once I ate my food. I have often wondered, how much I would cook if I were to stay all by myself.  May be I would also generate garbage that consists of take away food cartons. I read in the newspaper about this 60 year old woman who was found dead in her house in T Nagar, all alone. In a rather mundane report, with very little details and a hazy picture, there is mention about the fact that her house was filled with plastic bags and containers of food supplied by various hotels. There is a sentence saying that she used to buy her food from outside. Well, would that have a specific mention if the person who died was an old man? What is so surprising that a woman who lives alone chooses to buy food everyday from outside? I would love to have a community kitchen that can be paid for delivering food to all the old people who stay in the neighbourhood.

The indignities a woman has to face even after she is dead, no murdered. Details about her include her qualification, she is a B Com graduate and stayed alone after the death of her parents. There are many  more such old women who are probably staying alone, for various reasons. Are we still surprised that old people stay alone? The premium given to married life is still so high? Are we unable to think of people who are single who lead meaningful and purposeful lives? Is cooking and cleaning evidence that you live a meaningful life or that you are contented and satisfied ?

There are a number of old bunglows in Chennai around T Nagar and Mylapore, which look forlorn and unused, probably because it is so costly to refurbish and renovate an old building.  Walking down Radhakrishnan Salai, near the Yellow Pages building is the house that Dr Radhakrishnan lived. Its a beautiful old bunglow which receives a little attention every once in a while on Teachers Day. It otherwise looks unused, sleepy and probably has very old residents. On the same road, close to the Saravana Bhavan hotel are a couple of old Madras style bunglows, which have now been rented out to private Chartered Accountant firms. They don't look well kept either. It is said that the whole road had many such bunglows that belonged to Mylapore Advocates and Accountants.

Your phone- my phone

This debate has been becoming more pronounced over the last 2 or 3 months in my house. As my daughter enters the teen age and has more events and programmes to attend, there is a constant clamor for that phone, which is neither mine nor my husband's, but is hers. I have been successful in staving off the inevitable so far. There is a crisis only when my phone becomes inaccessible because of where I work. No wi fi and no plan for wifi makes it difficult for me to stay online or be in touch through Whats App and any other App. As an alternative, we have had to befriend and welcome any group that my daughter joins in WhatsApp. That means having various groups sharing messages about exams, homework, cool and cute pictures and also joining the music group or the dance group to find out about the classes.  Along with these groups comes the inevitable overdose of information and need to be constantly checking on these groups before going to a class. Teachers use these tools excessively, to cancel a class or send the song lyrics in the last minute. Cribbing about these even for a minute gives a chance for the same demand, 'That's why I NEED a phone. Don't you see how difficult it is to call my friends instead of just  using Whats App??!!" So the best policy, I see is to bite that urge to complain and just be calm and say that its okay to be surprised once in a while and that waiting is a good virture. Wait for that phone, wait until you are older and can manage your things carefully, let alone your time.

Happy Deepavali or Diwali

 Well, to me it still is Deepavali with the 'pa' being pronounced as 'ba' making it sound like 'Deebavali'.  Crackers, new clothes, oily wet hair, early mornings filled with cracker sounds and shrieks of children is what I grew up with. So I still kind of expect it during this time every year. I woke up, later than usual, to very few sounds. It was one big sound around 7.30 which actually woke me up. There were few people outside but I could hear a few bursts, coming far away from my house.

The daughter and husband duo got ready in record time. They had their priorities. Bathe, wear the new clothes and start bursting crackers, even before having breakfast.  It was a quiet Deepavali morning I must say.  We set the tone, our house, in our neighbourhood. Within 15 minutes, 3 other children, varying in ages joined us to create more noise. Sparklers, bijlis and sarams came out and soon there was an array of sounds, rap tap tap tap. Sweets and savouries take second place to clothes and crackers in my family. That is because I haven't had the time or energy to make anything special this time for Deepavali. After an hour of bursting crackers, there is a break to eat something. Vadai, sweets and bread make up our breakfast. The daughter is eager to get back to bursting some more crackers.

By this time, there is activity in most houses, which can be heard and seen. Whistles of pressure cookers, pooja bells, people dressed up getting out to go to temples or visit their relatives. Everyone looks well dressed as though there is a wedding that the whole city is invited to. TVs blare inside homes, with the latest songs or interviews by hyperactive VJs. Maids and cooks walk in later than usual and try to walk safely on the streets.  The newspaper men have delivered the newspapers on time and it is full of glitzy ads for Diwali shopping. There is very little traffic on the road.  We go out in the afternoon to visit our relatives living near by. The roads look different. It looks like a procession of crackers have gone by.  We talk, eat and share our sweets and stories. We come back home to have a relaxed lunch and rest. We rest peacefully knowing that there is a Sunday following the festive Saturday. There is a whole evening to look forward to. 

The day after Deepavali is usually a bit of a let down. Going back to the same routine after Deepavali is doubly difficult. Having a buffer of a Sunday, just to get back to 'normal' sounds and chores is a welcome thing. The Sunday that quietens the city and gives us some time to prepare for the rest of the week. Happy Deepavali or Diwali! Happy Weekend.

Being in touch

I joined Facebook in 2009.  I remember it being a period when I was excited to get in touch with my old friends and thereby get close to my old life (life before my marriage).  It was strange to see those faces I had not seen in about 20 years, seem so familiar and yet quite different. Soon we were gushing over reunions and exchanging photos. Then came the deluge of relatives, long lost aunts and cousins whom I hadn't seen after my 20s. Then close to that came the many acquaintances, my ex-colleages and even some neighbours. It was a motley mix. 

After 6 years of Facebook, when I look at my home page,  I wonder how I get to see photos of people who I have no connection with. These are friends of friends, yes, but why should I get to see their photos. If I look closely, the people who are close to me, really close, I hardly get in touch through Facebook.  I have gone through the formalities of making a note of my close friends and categorizing my contacts, and yet I have to keep editing those settings and saving them.

Along the way, I also wonder why I still check Facebook if I am so disinterested in it. I think it seems to be this window to the world which I have access to from anywhere and everywhere. It shows the eternal need for friends, for feeling connected with others. After school and college, few of us get in touch with our friends on a regular basis. Facebook seems to satisfy this need. It reminds me of those times in my teenage years, when I would just call my close friends and start the conversation with 'What were you doing?', very similar to 'What's on your mind?'.  Right now, it seems like there are very few people whom I can call and just ask 'What are you doing?'. It's not just a question of having such friends, it's also the time that I allot for such activities. It has gone down drastically.

Gone are the days when I used to stare at a blank wall, or feel the boredom of being at home. Now, I like staring outside the window without having to think what else needs to be done in my 'To Do' list. Meeting a friend for coffee or visiting them needs to be planned in advance. I think people who still get to do these things must remember how lucky they are. And now my time's up and I have to go as the list is still incomplete and I have many a thing to do before I can stare out of the window.  Happy Deepavali.

Connoor, not Ooty, but close

This summer, we spent a week in Connoor, at a homestay called Ekanth.  There have been times when I used to wonder why people went to Ooty or Kodaikkanal so often. I wondered if they got bored seeing the same staple 'view points' and making the same sight seeing trips. But now, as I have probably become wiser (not older for sure) I do see what there is in soaking yourself in a place, even if it is a familiar place, just to relax and recharge yourself. I think its equivalent to the millions of trips that I have made to the Marina Beach, and yet never failed to enjoy it. I can see that there is something welcoming in a place that you know well and enjoy with all your senses. Coonoor is one such place, it is gentle, it is soothing and it is oh so cool during summer, a refreshing change from Chennai.

We reached Coonoor one afternoon, around 1pm after about 1.5 hours spent inside a car. When we stepped out, the cool air was like a blast from the Air conditioner. My head cleared up, felt lighter and I could take a deep breath of that air. I think we have been to this place, a homestay, about 4 times so far. Its a beautiful bunglow nestled amidts a garden or a grove of fruit trees and the silver oak trees. You pass through the narrow winding road from the town bus stop and in ten minutes, you are close to the tea estates, all green and sloping and there are these beautiful tall pine trees that look down on you. You can smell the different flowers and just feel the wet and cool earth beneath your feet. I do remember one name, the Morning Glory which was a lovely deep blue in colour and was peeping through all the trees along the roads as we came up to 'Ekanth'.

We have always made trips to Coonoor and Ooty during the offseason time, so as to avoid the peak tourist traffic. Well, this time, we were bang on the middle of it, the second week of May. And there is a reason why it is peak tourist season. It seems like flowers are bursting and blooming all over the valley, from Coonoor right upto Ooty. The Sims Park, the major attracting is filled with rows and rows of a variety of flowers. I thought double shade was an invention of Kancheepuram weavers for selling their silk sarees. But you can learn about the best combination of colours, by just looking at these flowers at Sims Park. The other thing I liked about the park was that it was huge. It is huge. Inspite of the crowd, you could always find a quiet spot inbetween the lawns and the garden and the small lake to have a picnic, let the kids run around and may be play a game of catch with a ball. Its not on one level, but meanders up and down so that you don't actually see how big the park is. There are nice little gazebos made at frequent intervals throughout the park where you could take shelter from rain or get some privacy.

There are a number of tea estates around Coonoor, that you could visit, take a walk around. If you know someone locally, they would be able to take you on a nice trek to some of these places. The Glendale Tea company, has opened a nice little shop called Oasis,  which is basically to promote its own brand that is located in the middle of rolling hills of tea. 

There is a small area called the Market in Coonoor that is interesting to see, just for the way the shops are arranged. Its a tight network of small shops, set up close to each other. There were rows of shops selling different kinds of things. There was a row selling clothes, toys, electronics, and interestingly, a row of tailoring shops too.

The other things that you could do from Coonoor is take a trip to Ooty by the toy train. Its a relaxed journey for an hour where you get to see the valley from different angles, see the old stations like Lovedale or Wellington and imagine what Ooty might have been about 100 years ago. Once you Ooty, you get overwhelmed and swept away by the crowd. You would end up doing all those things that tourists normally do, just because all traffic has to move in the same direction. But let me not go into the 'oh, it is so crowded and polluted story' and talk a little bit of what it still has to offer. There is a beautiful road called Commercial Street (yes it could be beautiful, if a few things were removed, like vehicular traffic) which was filled with interesting shops and mouth watering bakeries and chocolate shops. We stuffed ourselves with food at a few of these places. If only this stretch was made pedestrian it would do be a pleasure to walk around. I had no hopes of finding anything interesting, but there was an old Higginbothams book store, a lovely cafe called Sidewalk, owned by the Nahar Hotel. There was a Subway, a few restaurants and other shops selling trinkets or clothes. At the end, there was a nice fountain which remained hidden by the heavy traffic around it.

Every morning as we woke up to the chirping of birds, we just soaked ourselves in the lovely weather, drank endless cups of tea. Its not just the sights to see in a vacation, its often the feeling that you can cut yourself off from the hustle and bustle of your normal life and forget about looking at your watch or checking your messages. Just 4 days and we enjoyed every minute of it.

South Indian Brahmin wedding

Gold jewellery, Kancheepuram silk sarees, jasmine flowers, loud naadaswaram, smoke, laughing mamas and mamis, cute little girls in paavadais, shy teenage girls daring to be different in salwar kameez, trying their best to be non-south Indian, heavily made up huge maamis, trying to defy their age and size in dazzling silk sarees, the almost invisible eligible bachelors or young men who are glued to their phones, people waiting for the grand lunch, familiar faces, are they your acquaitances, your cousins, people you haven't seen in decades, making you feel older? The yela pottu saapadu cum muhurtham rush, people trickling in just in time to see the thaali kattal, relatives jostling with each other to congratulate the bride and the groom, the father and mother of the bride and the groom, the blessings given, smiles all around. It seems like you're watching a silent movie of a wedding with just the nadaswaram in the background. And then the lunch is served, the aroma of sambhar and rasam greets you as you move towards the lunch hall. Discussions about who the caterer is, which caterer is better, the curiousity about the tamboolam or the return gift, who has put on weight, who has not and the endless search for a suitable boy or a suitable girl for the next wedding in the family.